PMS Buddy

Oh my. PMS Buddy:

Welcome to PMSBuddy.com!

PMSBuddy.com is a free service created with a single goal in mind: to keep you aware of when your wife, girlfriend, mother, sister, daughter, or any other women in your life are closing in on “that time of the month” – when things can get intense for what may seem to be no reason at all.

For women, this is a great way to give people in your life a heads-up of when you might be feeling a bit irritable without having an awkward conversation.

What’s more, we will not only keep you informed, but will give you some free advice on what to do about it. With PMSBuddy.com, there is no reason to ever be blindsided by PMS again. PMSBuddy.com – Saving relationships, one month at a time!

Let’s dissect this one section at a time, much as we should dissect the creators of PMS Buddy. Firstly ““that time of the month” – when things can get intense for what may seem to be no reason at all.” No reason at all. Except, presumably, for the misogynist chavinist attitudes that cause you to seek out this handy tool in the first place. This concept is part of the ‘oh noes! Menstruation!’ bullshit that patriarchy (voiced by men and women) pushes constantly. As I’ve blogged about before, menstruation and PMS is used to disempower women’s emotions by misogynists of every gender. Male misogynists use it to explain any behaviour other than open-mouthed sexual persmissiveness and an adoption of the ‘pregnant, silent and in the kitchen’ mother role, and female misogynists use it as an excuse to be spiteful and unpleasant as the social construct of their gender role disenables them from showing any strong emotion. Perhaps if the femlae misogynists who used this as an excuse and the male misogynists who used it to belittle women’s emotions (“she wouldn’t suck you off and then screamed at you for kickin’ her down the stairs? Must be fucking PMS mate”) dropped the PMS myth then the delighftul scumbags who dreamt up PMS Buddy would have to return to their Kleenex-strewn desks and continue jacking off to bukkake.

“For women, this is a great way to give people in your life a heads-up of when you might be feeling a bit irritable without having an awkward conversation.”

Imagine the email “hey everyone! I might be a bit irritable for the next week or so. Not because my normally repressed emotions need to get out somehow before they psychologically destroy me but because my uterus will be shedding lumps of lining and blood into my knickers. I’m so glad PMS Buddy lets me communicate this so we can avoid an awkward conversation! Bye!”

Ah, the shame of having a vagina. How embarrassing it is to have a monthly cycle. How awkward the conversation when you explain to someone that the reason you aren’t behaving quite like the ’seen and not heard’ image of feminine perfection is your PMS. How wonderful of PMS Buddy to bestow their benevolence upon us! Way to further the ‘vagina=shameful” myth PMS Buddy!

“What’s more, we will not only keep you informed, but will give you some free advice on what to do about it. With PMSBuddy.com, there is no reason to ever be blindsided by PMS again. PMSBuddy.com – Saving relationships, one month at a time!”

Free advice? Let’s have a look. On the ‘PMS Tips’ page, PMS Buddy helpfully points confused males towards consumerism to bridge the gap between the strange, emotional creature called a woman that their testicles refuse to let them live without. So here’s the sites the recommend:

1. Flowers, because:

“When all else fails, flowers will always do the trick. They are kryptonite to PMS.”

An interesting metaphor to use, as it posits PMS as some kind of Superhero.

2.Match.com:

“If it’s really that bad, maybe something’s amiss. As they say, it never hurts to look.”

Woman getting you down? Too damn lazy to work on the relationship and treat her like a huiman being? Bought her flowers and didn’t get laid? Then discard her like a used wank sock and get another one!

3. Wine:

Do something special for her and show her you care. A bottle of her favorite wine should help calm things down.

Translation: get her hammered and then she’s more pliable to trying anal without lube.

4. And the piece de resistance, Playboy lingerie

During PMS women can feel bloated and unattractive. Show her how you really feel with some sexy lingerie.

‘How you really feel’ – aka you can’t wait for the icky bleeding to stop so you can start fucking her again.

Once you attempted to solve a problem by throwing money at it (it’s the Western Consumerist Way!) PMS Buddy also has stories from other ‘victims’, so you know that you’re not alone.

If your relationship involves fights, violence and ‘crazy’ behaviour at That Time Of The Month and it requires speinding money to solve, then the problem isn’t PMS, it’s your relationship. Either you’re a dickhead, she’s a misogynist or you’re both idiots. Don’t blame it on PMS, it’s you.